Osborne’s Magnificat

Henceforth to be used at all Evensongs until I can get a decent seat on the East Coast line for less than the cost of a small house in Willington

My soul doth magnify the ticket barrier
And my spirit rejoiced as it chewed my season ticket.
Because my humility was insufficient
From henceforth all generations shall call me pillock.
Because the ticket collector
Has got his beady eye on me
And his name is Adolf
His victimisation of commuters is from generation unto generations
All them that fear him
He hath showed his excess fare table.
He hath scattered the bankers and the builders
And pulled down the luggage from the rack.
He hath exalted nobody but himself
And filled the coffers of East Coast Railways with good things;
And the ticketless he hath sent empty away
He hath received a gold watch for his excess fare achievements.
Being mindful of his power
As he spoke to the pathetic
Commuters in his hold.

 

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