If you are a writer you might want to look away at the next word. I am giving you fair warning that it may cause paroxysms of choking, hot and cold flushes and a feeling of bottomless dread. Synopsis.
However, this is no longer the chronic and painful condition it once was. There is a cure and I have found it.
I am writing a synopsis. I would rather pick my eyes out with a toothpick, but I suspect that my bloodied face is not going to sell my book so synopsis it must be. My book is not linear which just added to the frisson of terror as I approached the blank page. The page remained blank for a long time as I found other more pressing jobs requiring my attention. The pantry has been gutted, the barn has been cleared, industrial quantities of knitting have been completed and I have over 15lb of marmalade and 7lb of rosehip jelly. I do not have a synopsis.
Well that is not exactly true. So far I have three synopses. One is one sentence long, the second is one paragraph long and the third is two paragraphs long. There is much still to be done but at last I am moving vaguely in the right direction. Any anyway we have enough marmalade. The waver of the magic wand was the Crabbit Old Bat whom I have renamed the Most Wonderful Person in the Entire World Somebody Should Make Her A Dame.
No I am not on commission. Yes you must buy her book on how to write a synopsis. And just to tickle your fancy. Here is my one line synopsis.
Thirteen year old Poppy discovers she can smudge time, but preventing a murder leads to betrayal, revenge and the revelation of a hundred year old secret.
Now off you go. You have work to do. That synopsis is not going to write itself (more’s the pity).